.. why would I ever want to go back? My one and only desire is to advance further into this wonderful world of pain and submission in order to experience new sensations.A psychologist would probably explain my desires by some traumatic experiences in my childhood. I can honestly say that my childhood was one of happiness and harmony without any serious problems. But my secret desires have been with me for as long as I can remember. At first I discovered how much I enjoyed playing Indians and Cowboys with the boys, being captured, tied and "tortured". Many times I would wish that they had gone further but they probably neither had the nerve nor the imagination. We were actually starting to unleashing feelings that many would think would have been better off being suppressed. Our games gave us a perfect alibi. You can imagine that I was dreaming of our games many a night and how they could advance further. At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I. And, you know, Chen-Shiung Wu of the Manhattan project and MariaGoeppert-Mayer, she won the Nobel for physics. And Marie Curie, ofcourse..." Frederick!" Mrs. Manichev steps over and holds me protectively in herarms. "I can perfectly understand why this poor girl would pretend tobe a man. Just look at you! Of course she knows that women have madecontributions to physics. She just wants to be treated like every otherstudent, and not like some special object attracting all of thisunwanted attention. Isn't that right, dear?" Yes," I say, gratefully. "Yes, that's it, exactly." And I bet you changed your name as well. After all, Marshall is aman's name. What's your real name, dear?"Oh god. I feel trapped. I've already told her that I'm a woman. Now sheexpects a woman's name."It's Kelly?" What a beautiful name! Isn't that a beautiful name, Frederick?" Yes, it is," he agrees."Well, Kelly dear, I am so glad to see that you're embracing yourfeminine side," Mrs. Manichev says, indicating my hair.
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